I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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