Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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