Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
