help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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