i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
where am i from again
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
