Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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