Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
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Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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