at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
