writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
