No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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