I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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