I wannas sexs uuuuu
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
