I want to walk on stilts...naked
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You pole danced in your parka.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
