I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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