Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling