I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
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He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.