She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it