Im at strip club and am horny
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
