I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
