I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
