All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
