this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
