you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
