he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
