now i know why i became what i already was.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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