I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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