Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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