i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
