what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
