haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm bleeding and have questions
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
