I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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