i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
