I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
