My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
