Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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