i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
