my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
