Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
