if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
