youre lurking in front of me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
