Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
