You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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