look no pants
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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