woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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