6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
