these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
