I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize