i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
