no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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