This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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