whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
