Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
