great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
