i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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