other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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