U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
