Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
