just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
