how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
