grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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