my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
