The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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