i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
