Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
