My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
