I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
