Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
