I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
