Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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