is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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