giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
