I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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